Adieu, 2011-How Shall Thine Memory Linger?

Oh, 2011, where shall I put thee in the annals of Finley history?  How shall I remember thee to mine children?  Among those unforgettable years that stamp our lives with extra significance, you have found thine place, for you have brought challenge specific to your era.

Ah, but lo!  If I peer deeper, I make out more than mere challenge.  And so I ask again:  how shall I remember thee?  And how shall I answer when you're recalled in the curious questioning of my children? 

Fine art by Joseph Huber,
http://www.josephhuberart.com
/2011/10/weary-traveler-fine-art-print.
html

Shall I take on the buckled despondence of the road-worn traveler and quietly close the door on you, wiping your dust off my feet, and sighing, "Good riddance," as others who saw your challenge shall choose to do?  Shall I toss you away so carelessly as if your sunshine, your changing leaves, your life lessons, your birthday celebrations, your aspirations, failures, and successes were for naught? 

No!  I daresay I reflect on you and discover all you tried to hide under your tough facade.  Indeed, I can't help but want to rise and do a silly jig of delight when I realize all the joys that gained entrance through your gates, through your gift of days.  I want to laugh when I recollect, too, that every trial and every victory made very clear one most absolute, most glorious, indeed most absolutely glorious, actuality: 
the faithfulness of my mighty, loving God. 

Here I stand, at your closing and passing, grateful to stand.  I celebrate the air I breathe and every moment of each of your 365 days that provided me with one more opportunity to...live.

How, then, shall I remember thee to mine children, 2011?  How then shall I capture thee in mine own memories? 

You, 2011, are Victory.  You are another year we embraced, we lived, we drained, and in so doing, we changed into greater newness, greater versions of ourselves.  Wisdom rose as your pendulum swung.  Lessons triumphed as your sand filled the lower orb of your hourglass. 

Therefore, I shall not place trial on any pedestal where its victory ought shine.  I shall not rob Yahweh of the glory that is due Him.  I shall not cast off all your treasure merely because it shared the same earth's revolution as your adversity.

My children shall hear your tales and be emboldened with the reality that at your closing, you were the best year yet, as we moved from glory to glory.  My children shall recall from my memories and stories that you, 2011, were one more glowing opportunity for Yahweh to show Himself faithful, strong, loving, and mighty.  You were one more opportunity for twinkling birthday candles, first steps and words, excited anticipation, wedding dances, new music, new vision, and broadened revelation.

As I bid you adieu, 2011, I turn now to my friends reading this to wish a Happy New Year to you and yours.  May you especially recall all the happiness, simple and grand, that this past year has bestowed, and step into 2012 with a knowing grin and a twinkle in your eye.

 

Mr. Jones and Me

Searching for a car to buy is weird.  You're sort of comparing apples and oranges with each one, because the pros and cons over here might be totally different than the pros and cons over there, so which pros and cons matter most?  But then it starts to get fun.

I'm pretty proud of Jed and myself, because we've already gotten into negotiations for two different cars, and we are Negotiation Royalty!  I wrote a little while ago about how we want to be really wise and circumspect when we make this new purchase.  We don't want to be swayed by impulse, by "coolness," by what the Joneses are doing, or definitely by what amount of debt we could squeeze ourselves into and still get by.  We are the Joneses, and we'll decide what's best for us based on wisdom, and we do not want any unnecessary debt.  ANY.

The first car is this one, a Chrysler Town and Country (read: minivan), and sorry the picture's terrible:

So, we sat down to make a deal with this guy, George, and he was young and possibly still learning the ropes with this whole car sales thing.  We want to trade our Impala for whatever we get, and it's an awesome, fully loaded car the trade-in value of which we're fully aware from the Kelley Blue Book people.  So when George told us what he'd give us for it, I told him that was unacceptable and that I was not in love with his van.  He needed to do better, because Kelley Blue Book told us we could get so many dollars.

"Well, there's your problem right there," George pointed out to me. 

I'll pause here to give you some helpful information.  Of all the pregnancy moods I could've been in, I was not in a jovial or weepy or emotional mood.  I was in a no-nonsense mood.  I was not desperate to get a new car for all my precious cargo, as most salesmen would likely have assumed upon seeing my globe of a stomach precede the rest of me through the door.  On the contrary, I was ready to hold on to our money until someone bent over backwards for us.  But George told me I had a problem.  Poor George.

One more helpful point:  I asked Jed if we could play "good cop, bad cop" with these guys, and could I please, please, please be the bad cop.  Suffice it to say, I don't think George was quite prepared.

Jed said there was only one moment when he almost hopped over the desk to sit with George and defend him, but he assures me the rest of the time I was friendly enough, though firm.  It had something to do with the extended warranty, I don't know. 

But George told me about the Kelley Blue Book thing that that was my problem right there, listening to Kelley Blue Book.  They there at the dealership go through N.A.D.A. to get their quotes, because that's what the banks use, yada yada yada.  And N.A.D.A. gave them a quote that was two grand less than ours.  Like I said, unacceptable.

So after I punished him ever so slightly for telling me I had a problem at all, he did the whole Salesman-Rides-A-Merry-Go-Round routine where he kept going "to the back," then coming back with "OK!  Well, we can knock another $243.17 off this price!!!!  That is THE BEST I can do," just like he said every other time.  Though it was slightly exhausting to watch, it was most humorous.  Every time, we were like, "Well, you know what we can do, and that's not it, so....no." 

To which George retorted, "OK, well what?  If I got that monthly payment down to whatever-amount, would THAT make you happy?" Poor George.  After I punished him ever so slightly for that attitude, he went back to the drawing board. 

Honestly, the final deal was a great deal for some family, just not for ours.  And despite our most valiant efforts at repeating and clarifying for him what we were able to do, and him continuing to come back with something different but equally NOT what we could do, we finally ended George's agony and reached a stalemate.  Because the deal was decent, he was dumbfounded.  About the proposed monthly payments, he almost whined, "I mean, come on, it's not like it's $600 dollars a month!" 

You see, George is used to seeing people fall in love with cars, get emotionally involved in the negotiations, then see George return from "the back" with "the greatest deal ever," and see people thank him for coming down on the price so much, figure out a way in their minds to justify that little monthly payment they hadn't intended to adopt, and sign on the dotted line.  Most people George sees love debt.  They're glad for that little bit of indebtedness to walk out the door with that great deal on that car.

But somehow, Jed and I got this revelation that there are plenty of cars out there to choose from.  And we are not desperate for anything even if we will have to finagle a little with what we have once Roxie comes, if she comes before we can find what works for us.  We are in every way ready, willing, and able to hold our line. 

So we walked out.  George was a mess, and he called Jed about 12 times the next day to tell him another couple was taking it for a test drive, to tell him maybe he could work something else out, to ask him if we'd be stopping back by... 

Meanwhile, we found another car that I was out test driving that next day while George was calling Jed.  This one we like even more.  It's a Chrysler Pacifica and is a better price to boot:

When Jed told George I was out driving another car we liked, George really went into overdrive.  When Jed also told George that we researched the trade-in value of the Impala with N.A.D.A. and came back with a better quote than the one from the Kelley Blue Book people, George really changed his tune and came back with an offer very close to what we want. 

So now, with the Pacifica people, we told them we'd like to try and work something out, but their salesguys are on vacation till Monday, so we'll have to wait and see.  Jed's sending in the big guns all by myself to work this one out, and after the George Incident, I think Jed feels pretty confident I'll do an OK job.  The guy helping me with my test drive must have been just an office manager or something, because I walked in and told him we were interested and this is what we wanted, and he just said, "Yeah, I don't know why that wouldn't work out.  Sounds like a great deal!"  When I checked in with him later, he reported that he'd talked to the salesguy on vacation who nearly panicked at the thought of settling so easily.  He came back with his usual jabber about what they could actually do, so I'm gearing up for a good time with him Monday morning. 

So we "Joneses" apparently know exactly what we want, and meanwhile we still have George salivating on the sidelines. 

Poor George.

"See my tie, tie my tie, see my tie, tie my tie..."

Fully prepared to write a silly post over at .snug.button. about how insanely cranky I am with this pregnancy, I've been lured into a complete about-face by a fabulously raw and honest conversation on Facebook about signs and wonders, culminating thus far on the topic of speaking in tongues.

I've almost developed multiple personality disorder trying to figure out just who my "audience" is for this post, and I guess it's anyone curious.  Some of you who read this speak in tongues as a matter of course in your everyday lives, just as I do.  Some of you consider it a vile abomination against the Truth.  Some of you have no idea.  But I'd wager that most consider it a somewhat distant idea that's just weird.  Weird if you're a Christian.  Weird if you're not.  Actually, come to think of it, I think it's weird. 

Most of us probably associate it with the image of hyper-charismatic wailing that surely is way more emotional than in any way holy, with "wang-doodling" preachers who end every other word with the additional "-ah!" (as in "Jesus-ah! wants to give-ah! you your blessing-ah!!"), or (speaking of blessing) with the extreme brand of the "Name it and claim it" crowd who have sort of become a "Bless Me" club.  These uses of Holy Spirit giftings can be lawless and misleading at worst and are just immature or uninformed at best, but speaking in tongues has become for me one of the most practical, everyday means of prayer and interaction with Yahweh that I have.  I often refer to it as "praying in the spirit," versus praying in the natural, which is just using English and my own understanding.  And here's the part where I could break into a whole interwoven tapestry of an explanation, drawing from all kinds of different sources, but I'm determined not to overdo it on my first try.

Is it just for personal edification?  Does it always necessitate an interpretation?  What about in public settings?  OK, so it's in the Bible, but it's somewhat unfamiliar and extraordinary, and bottom line, what's the point?

We could trudge verse-by-verse through the Bible, but that starts to get more complicated than I intend for this post.  Some of you put no stock in the Bible anyway.  (Though I whole-heartedly recommend it!)  If you read this and wonder about specific Bible references, please ask!  The whole New Testament talks about the Holy Spirit, signs and wonders including speaking in tongues, crazy miracles, and the basic movement of all the believers establishing and growing the early church.  It's a total trip, and what an exciting time.  And it was just the beginning, our foundation.

I'll answer my last question first.  Speaking in tongues does have a point.  I'm the kind of personality who values logic, used to be quite cynical, and now just holds a healthy dose of skepticism but is willing to acknowledge something that seems to maybe have validity.  I like to know there's a reason for things.  So the purpose of tongues:  You could say it's an avenue to get outside of ourselves, to push beyond our natural thoughts and emotions in the moment, to stir up the Spirit indwelling us.  My apostle (or pastor or spiritual father) has described it as akin to "lifting weights on the inside," building up your spirit man.

But who needs that?  That might sound a little fluffy, ungrounded, void of respect for solid, foundational doctrine.  All I can say is this.  We are called to live not as mere mortals.  Yahweh's original intent was for man to walk in open relationship with Him.  We botched it.  The whole Old Testament He is creating opportunities to bridge the gap, prophesying the whole time about His Son and how He will ultimately be that bridge that connects us back to the Father by the Spirit.  In the New Testament, Yahshua (think "Jesus" if that's better) bridges the gap, then tells the disciples who lament His ascension that it's better for Him to go, because when He does, the Father will send them the Holy Spirit to live in them.  According to Yahshua, "in" is better than "with," so all those Christians who say, "Oh, I just wish I could've been right there with Jesus when He was walking the earth" are missing this revelation of His presence currently in the body through the Holy Spirit and that He Himself said that this way IS the better deal. 

In the beginning, there were two trees in opposition in the garden.  The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil that represented natural things was forbidden.  It did not bring life.  It brought death and separation from God.  But the Tree of Life was of the spirit.  We are created and called to abide in the spirit realm, transcending our natural selves as we abide presently in Him now, not just someday in heaven ("Your Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven").  And Paul talks about how the spirit and the flesh war against each other.  I want my spiritual eyes and ears and thoughts to have the upperhand over my natural experience or mind capacity or emotion.  Whew!  OK, so if we're to understand the deeper things and abide in the spirit and really have a relationship with Almighty God, that has to require getting outside our merely natural selves.  Praying in tongues is a hugely practical way to do that. 

We're created to feed from only one tree.
Only one will satisfy: feed the spirit.

As for interpretation, that's another of the practical reasons for praying in tongues.  I don't know Yahweh's will in every situation.  He warns us not to bless or curse haphazardly, and so now when I pray, I take it very seriously, especially if a person has asked me to pray for them.  I think, "Geez, well, what are you doing here, Yahweh, and how can I pray and prophesy to back you up?"  I pray in the spirit until I begin to "hear," with my spirit ears something clear to pray, then I'll pray that in English.  But I have no interest in praying something for someone that might be working against what the Father wants.  It's usually through praying in the spirit like this that I get words of knowledge or visions.  And especially for issues that hit close to home for me where my emotions and thoughts are totally convinced and hell-bent on one war path, I must pray in the spirit to get some perspective and to make my natural soul, thoughts, and feelings submit to the greater authority.  We canNOT be ruled by our experience but by His will, His voice of direction.  That might be the most practical application right there.  Every time I start praying in the spirit, I might still be distracted by my to-do list, or a patch of dust I suddenly can't ignore, or my thoughts and feelings, then I press on and press in and suddenly I begin to experience what I'd call a breaking through where suddenly I'm in the flow.  As I get started, I am cognizant of merely yielding myself in worship to my Father.  Once I'm in the flow and have gotten past all the immediate life issues, I start hearing Him.  It's awesome.  I don't always get direct answers, but I guarantee that when I'm done, I've just communed with the Most High and my spirit is amped, and I do have direction, regardless of what my original intent or question was.

In public settings, I think corporate praying in tongues serves the same purpose, but I do believe that there should be some sort of interpretation.  When we pray in the spirit at church, it's either part of worship, so it's a personal thing for each person, or there is interpretation.  Usually several people will get up to share what they've seen or heard, and it's uncanny, it can only be God, that more often than not, everybody was seeing or hearing a separate piece of the same larger picture, or were seeing the same picture altogether.  When you experience that time and time again, you begin to see the validity.  And it's not just for us to "ooh" and "aah" over each other and give pats on the back. Nor is it for us just to "ooh" and "aah" over Yahweh.  It's, again, for a purpose.  It brings direction or encouragement, but it almost always is a nudge or a call for action.

Alright, get me to pray
in tongues.  No, really, can't you
tell it's what I want?

Praying in tongues is a fruit of being filled with, or baptized in, the Holy Spirit, something that can happen by someone laying hands on you or can happen when you're on your own and receptive to it.  When I was first filled with the Spirit, I was so adamantly opposed to faking a response that I was almost dead-set on not falling over, on not going nuts.  So I was rather stoic.  And I didn't burst out into tongues the moment it happened (though that was Jed's experience).  Why him and not me?  Well, I guess part of it is that I was dead-set against it even though I told myself I was open to it.  Funny we people are.

Then over the next few days, I was so stirred in my spirit, so alive and hungry and thirsty for more.  I told my apostle that if praying in tongues is legit, and it was starting to appear that way as I watched some of my firends' lives, then I wanted it.  But I felt like a turtle guarding myself at all costs.  (Something about the spirit and the flesh at war...)  But I wanted it.  I knew by then that it was right.  But yeah, it's weird.  So, my apostle told me to just go somewhere quiet and begin to worship, to tell Yahweh how much I love Him and to let it pour out of me and to be open to whatever happens in the spirit.  This will sound contrived to some of you.  I can't convince you of how opposed I was to contriving things, so you'll have to trust me.  But what he was suggesting was right for me:  "Let down your guard.  Trust.  If it can happen, it will.  But you must let go a little bit for the reality to even be a possibility."  So I did it.  And I started praying in tongues.  And it was the most hilarious thing, because I thought I sounded like such a freak, but I couldn't stop, and I was so relieved, and I began to experience a strength that I've now come to rely on.

In the end, when I read this stuff in the Bible, I wonder about those who are so adamantly opposed to it.  I understand the trepidation that comes from the unfamiliar element.  I understand that when you get into subjective experiences, people begin to become skeptical of one another.  I also know that true subjection to the Holy Spirit makes you that much MORE accountable, not less, to the reality of our spiritual lives, to the words that you hear and to the Holy Spirit in those around you as iron sharpens iron.  At first, immaturity will cause people to think they've heard weird things or to not be sure if it's Him or their own thoughts, and that's why having people of maturity around you, people off of whom you can bounce it all, is highly beneficial.  But I wonder about adamant opposition to things of the spirit, because these things are, perhaps uncomfortably, rampant in the Bible.  If it was good enough for Paul, for the seventy, for Timothy, it's good enough for me.  Does it not make a person even curious as to what that was all about and how it might be a part of our walk and who we are?  I'm loath to discount something like that altogether until I've given it a fair shake.

As I re-read this, I am painfully aware of all the gaps I'm leaving for the sake of "sticking with the basics for now."  I think I'm about to birth some sort of "Foundations" series or something; I'm not sure.

For now, know that for the walk we're called to walk, I don't believe it can be done in fullness without the spiritual access opened through the gift, available to all, of praying in tongues.  To me, this whole thing goes waaaaaaaay beyond just having a different spiritual philosophy than other religions.

And, by the way, with the severe crankiness of this pregnancy, any guess at what I do to get Holy Spirit perspective, put my fickle feelings in their rightful place, and overcome it?  ;)